Baddest Bitch in Town
© meliapond

(Source: dailylilycollins)

posted 14 hours ago with 12,920 notes

nehirose:

tehjai:

steel-plated-hearts:

a kid at hogwarts who just wants to get a proper education but can’t focus because of all of the shit harry potter and his friends keep getting themselves into

Jenna B. Lacey, age eleven, knew exactly what she was going to do with her life.

She was going to go to Hogwarts, get top grades, and be the youngest female Minister of Magic by age 35.

It would have been a good plan, if she hadn’t been in the same year as Harry Potter.

*   *   *   

Year one started out great. She was sorted into Hufflepuff, did well in all her classes, and aced the exams.

A troll smashed its way through the study room she was in on Halloween, but that wasn’t going to deter her. 

*   *   *   

Year two was a disaster. People were getting petrified, and worse—the teachers had to herd them from place to place, which severely cut down on her library time. She had to study in the common room, which meant instead of a nice, quiet atmosphere, she got a soundtrack of nervous Hufflepuffs.

And on top of that, exams were cancelled. It was a disaster.

*   *   *   

Third year, she started to notice a trend.

First the troll, than the petrifications, and now dementor guards and escaped convicts. What did they all have in common? Potter.

After Black broke in and everyone had to spend the night in the Great Hall, interrupting Jenna’s last minute studying for a test the next day, she took to giving Potter angry looks in every class.

He did not notice.

*   *   *   

They announced the Triwizard tournament at dinner the first night of fourth year, and Jenna almost started crying.

Potter was going to take this one over. She just knew it.

And she was right.

Voldemort rose at the end of the year. She honestly didn’t know what she had expected.

*   *   *    

Fifth year brought Umbridge. She joined the DA because she was going to need a better background in defense, but that didn’t mean she was any happier about Potter.

She imagined it was him she was hexing instead of Zachariah Smith.

But, by the end of the year, focus on her studies was impossible. After Dumbledore left, it was complete anarchy.

Potter’s fault. Of course.

*   *   *   

Sixth year she started volunteering in the hospital wing. She needed a backup plan in case Potter fucked it up.

All seemed quiet, until they brought Malfoy in. It was apparently Potter’s fault, which surprised everyone except Jenna.

Later, she was peacefully studying in a little nook on the third floor when some Death Eaters and some other adults started dueling right under her nose.

This was the worst fucking school, honestly.

*   *   *   

They were calling it “The Final Battle.”

Jenna ran through the hall, dodging in and out of the children evacuating, until she saw him. 

“POTTER.”

He turned, startled. “Um—Jenna, right? We’re sort of busy—”

She grabbed the front of his shirt and hauled him up until he was eye level with her. “If I’m not Minister of Magic by age 35, it is going to be entirely your fault and I’m going to hurt you.”

She dropped him and stormed away, leaving him to whatever he was doing. She had to fight this goddamn war so she could go back to her fucking studying.

*   *   *   

She became Minister of Magic at age 36.

Fucking Potter.

I think I just found the best Harry Potter fanfic

this continues to be one of my favorite things

(Source: itsvondell)

posted 14 hours ago with 218,048 notes

(Source: aplebeia)

posted 14 hours ago with 4,407 notes

dearnonacepeople:

#TweetLikeAStraightPerson is a gem

posted 14 hours ago with 22,723 notes

zomzie:

kagahimedesu:

If I consider you a close friend chances are I’m gonna be at least a little gay with you

(Source: dropdeadesu)

posted 14 hours ago with 294,200 notes

beccamakalapua:

punkasslouis:

punkasslouis:

I’m hiding naked in my closet because there are mattress delivery men in my bedroom and no one thought to tell me so I was just doing my naked thing after my shower and then I was very unceremoniously shoved into my closet and I don’t know how long I have to be here I don’t have snacks or anything

update: I found a chocolate bar on my shelf but also my phone battery is at 20% I feel like bear grylls

don’t you have clothes in your closet

(Source: harrywantsababy)

posted 14 hours ago with 349,552 notes
posted 14 hours ago with 8,342 notes

ophi1ia:

I wish I went to detention for 9 hours and came out with 3 new best friends and a boyfriend why am I not in an 80’s movie

(Source: yagamiyuu)

posted 14 hours ago with 230,722 notes

powertothenerd:

letsboldlygomotherfuckers:

my english teacher: ‘you never get adventure stories about male nurses’

image

HOOOOOOOO BOY

wkdart:

my-name-is-long:

pricklybangbang:

today at work i asked a customer if he wanted french vanilla creamer with his coffee and he said no because he wanted the “heterosexual” creamer instead and it just blows my mind that straight people say shit about how queer people “force our sexuality on them” because i have never met a single queer person who has done something like assign a sexuality to coffee creamer

what does heterosexual creamer even mean

no homogenized milk

(Source: supremecute)

posted 14 hours ago with 75,148 notes
thewhitenotebook:

"Perfectionism is self-abuse of the highest order."-Ann Wilson Schaff

thewhitenotebook:

"Perfectionism is self-abuse of the highest order."-Ann Wilson Schaff

posted 15 hours ago with 70 notes
kittyneko-sama:

Did you know at the set of Capitan America 2. Chris Evans couldn’t tell apart  Scarlett Johanson’s stunt doubles from her so he would start talking to them as in they were Scarlett and the stunt doubles played the game ” How long would it take Chris to figure out im not Scarlett” . Apparently the record was 10 minutes.

kittyneko-sama:

Did you know at the set of Capitan America 2. Chris Evans couldn’t tell apart  Scarlett Johanson’s stunt doubles from her so he would start talking to them as in they were Scarlett and the stunt doubles played the game ” How long would it take Chris to figure out im not Scarlett” . Apparently the record was 10 minutes.

posted 15 hours ago with 22,434 notes

idonegaffedit:

i accidentally told my friend the sweetest pick up line ever. i started talking about solipsism (the belief that everything around you was created by your mind) and i went “If everything around me is all my imagination, then you’re the best thing I’ve come up with” she was speechless for a solid five minutes.

posted 15 hours ago with 65,294 notes
brightchimeradragon:

just-bx:

Just SCience

IT TOOK ME TWO TIMES TO UNDERSTAND WHAT WAS GOING ON, HOLY FUCKING SHIT MY SIDES.

brightchimeradragon:

just-bx:

Just SCience

IT TOOK ME TWO TIMES TO UNDERSTAND WHAT WAS GOING ON, HOLY FUCKING SHIT MY SIDES.

(Source: emedemabri)

posted 15 hours ago with 123,273 notes
horrasin:

malformalady:

McDonald’s has been forced to open its first ever restaurant with a turquoise coloured sign after city planners said the signature yellow sign would be too garish. Officials in Sedona, Arizona told the fast-food giant they were unable to open a restaurant with the trademark yellow logo.This is due to the city’s strict regulations which prevent buildings from ruining the picturesque view of the desert.
Photo credit: Michael Wright/WENN.com


arizona joins the aesthetic movement

horrasin:

malformalady:

McDonald’s has been forced to open its first ever restaurant with a turquoise coloured sign after city planners said the signature yellow sign would be too garish. Officials in Sedona, Arizona told the fast-food giant they were unable to open a restaurant with the trademark yellow logo.This is due to the city’s strict regulations which prevent buildings from ruining the picturesque view of the desert.

Photo credit: Michael Wright/WENN.com

arizona joins the aesthetic movement

posted 15 hours ago with 90,429 notes